I’d like to personally thank the good people over at Comcast Sports Net for airing the Clearwater Threshers’ game tonight, in lieu of showing us that Delaware County kickball team that keeps referring to themselves as Philadelphians; I’d much rather watch Chase Utley and the gang beat up on a little league team.
OK, well it’s no secret that I have a rather “unhealthy” (according to my cognitive therapist) man-crush on Ricky Bottalico, but tonight was freakin’ awesome. For some time now, Ricky Bo has been open about his desire to be a Phillies color analyst, and tonight was our first real glimpse into what that might sound like. He was nothing short of spectacular; calling the umpires out on their bullshit, blasting a show-boater for throwing his arms up after hitting a dinger, admitting that he’s checked out Tony LaRussa’s daughter on the internet. For the better part of three hours, I sat in front of my television with a beer in hand, and pretended I was sitting at the Dive Bar, watching the game with my drinking buddy, Ricky. Oh, and did I mention that he didn’t talk about the f’ing moon one time throughout the entire broadcast?!
Bottalico was born in Connecticut & still spends much of his time there, but make no mistake, he’s a South Philadelphian. He thinks like us, and shares our sense of humor. He doesn’t bullshit his audience, and he doesn’t have the ego that comes along with many retired major leaguers who return to their cities of baseball origin. Dare I say, he has that thing that Harry had, that thing that made him ours.
Now, if the Phillies manage their broadcast team in the same fashion that Charlie manages his starters, we’ll likely never see Ricky Bo snag an analyst’s spot… Remain calm Phillies’ fans, I’ve got a plan (and it doesn’t even entail the use of Juan Samuel’s cloning machine)!
- Step 1: visit this link to CanTom.com, & sign the petition
- Step 2: trade Tom McCarthy to the Montreal Expos
- Step 3: push Wheels off a cliff
- Step 4: trade Kendrick & Blanton to the Tampa Bay Rays for Todd Kalas
- Step 5: Todd and Ricky Bo take over as the new voices of Phillies baseball
- Step 6: ah, screw it… Lets just clone some shit for fun… I dunno, a rosin bag or something
Ricky, you’re the best & we here at the Blunt hope you get that dream job you’ve been looking for, sooner rather than later… Also, you’re invited to our wiffle ball tournament in July. Just thought I’d throw that out there.
P.S. Here’s a picture of Tony LaRussa’s daughter since I know that was your next Google search, you perverts!
SW – Kevin Anderson