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Bringin' High Hopes Without The Smoke

Can Tom.com

Join the Good Phight!

We the undersigned Phillies Phans, ask Mr. Montgomery and the entire Philadelphia Phillies front office to consider our petition to 'Can Tom' once and for all.

Since the death of Harry Kalas, Tom McCarthy has been butchering nine innings of Phillies broadcasts on a nightly basis. One too many times, we've been reduced to throwing foreign objects at our televisions after hearing Mr. McCarthy sign off in a jovial manner after a disappointing Phillies loss. He has proven on hundreds of occasions that he has no understanding of baseball, and is much better suited to call games for the Orientales de Granada; an outstanding baseball outfit based in Granada, Nicaragua. Please understand that the ways in which Mr. McCarthy kisses Gary Matthews' ass makes us want to punch animals, and we love animals. Also, we love Jen Utley - and she loves animals too. We find Mr. McCarthy to be far too grating on our ears/nerves to be listened to six nights a week. He's pompous, and air headed, and quite frankly he's a nerd.

We understand that in 'S-canning' Mr. McCarthy you will need to find a long standing replacement, so we've created a small list of potentials nominations who we believe would be much better suited for the job.

1. A garden gnome
2. Jim Eisenrich
3. Corky from "Life Goes On"
4. Lenny Dykstra
5. Ricky Botalico
6. Lenny Dykstra
7. The English chick who calls the stops on the Patco line
8. Kane Kalas
9. Ross Gload
10. Lenny Dykstra

We thank you for your time and hope that you will consider our petition very seriously.

Sincerely,

Phillies Phans

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Jayson W.,
I never liked that guy.

K Fizzle,
Ricky Booooooooooooooo

Pete,
That fruitcake likes it in the B

Dr. Aldin Livshits,
I would like to see the second Dykstra. Tom couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag and I would know I'm a Doctor.

Jack Cass,
Grab the fifty-first person to come into the Park each day. How much worse can it get ?

Mogee,
Ricky Bo!!!

Craig H.,
Nine innings of this idiot simply isn't fair to the greatest baseball fans in the world.